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Browse the new Photo Gallery. (As pictures "age", they will be moved to the Hall of Portraits, below.)

Visit the Hall of Portraits to witness some of the members & friends of our shire in action (& inaction)
(Warning: page contains many images - it will take a long time to load over a dial-up or other slow Internet connections.)



Read about the true source of a favorite children's rhyme in Legend of a Song by Lord Giovanni Boccia.

Lyrics
The song lyrics below were created by members of the shire, or friends, as noted. We apologize for 'em. Really, we do!


Shire of Altenberg
This is sung to the tune of "The Golden Vanity".  The lyrics tell the story of the Shire of Altenberg, and how the Battle Of The Inland Seas began.  (Well, not really, but it's amusing anyway.)

Oh, there was a Midrealm shire, upon the Inland Seas.
The Shire of Altenberg was a wondours place to see.
But we feared she would be pillaged, by the pirate enemy.
And they'd burn her on the Inland
Inland, In.  They'd burn her on the Inland Seas.

Then up stepped our Shipwright, and boldy up spoke she.
She said to the Seneschal, "What would you give to me,
If I built a decoy ship, to fool the pirate enemy,
And sink them in the Inland
Inland, In.  And sink them in the Inland Seas?"

"A treasure chest of gold, and silver I'll give to thee,
And a feast fit for a King, and honors yours shall be
If you'll build a decoy ship to lure the pirate enemy,
And ground them on the Inland
Inland, In.  And ground them on the Inland Seas"

So Faoiltigherna, she made ready, with saw and nails and wood.
And with help from her crew, soon that ship was looking good.
When the pirate captain chased it, as we all knew he would,
He got stranded on the Inland
Inland, In.  He got stranded on the Inland Seas.

So, to Faoiltigherna and her crew, we give them "Hoobahs" four.
And we all look to next year (or maybe two, or more),
When the ship is fully finished, rounded Aft and pointed Fore,
And we can sail it on the Inland
Inland, In.  We'll sail it on the Inland Seas!



The Pirate Alphabet
These were created on a very drunk night, by our own Lord Giovanni.  There have been a few minor variations floating around the seas...er, Internet... but the version here is the original and best.
Imagine, if you will, several men (and maybe some women) standing in front of a campfire, mugs or drinking horns in hand, swaying to unheard music...
One singer (or several in near-unison): We're not pirates!  No!  We're... um... choir singers!  Yeah!  (Put down that cutlass!)  But, people keep asking us for the pirate's alphabet!  Not that we *are* pirates, of course, but seein' as we are choir singers, we do have knowledge of such things.  (Arrgh!)  And, so, without further ado (and no more adon't, either)....
(Generally one singer will lead and the rest follow, but this is not always the case....
  • A...A beer
  • B...Makes the mead
  • C...What ya sails on
  • D...De beer
  • E...E's got the beer
  • F...F ya want a beer, just ask
  • G...I need more beer
  • H...H an' ev'ry one o ya, grab a beer
  • I...What ya say to the cap'n
  • J...Pours the beer
  • K...J's wife
  • L...Where pirates go when they die
  • M...Give 'm a beer
  • N...Give 'm 'n' 'm a beer
  • O...I need a beer
  • P...What ya do after drinking a lot of beer
  • Q...French word
  • R...The pirate's favorite letter
  • S...What ya land on after drinkin' too much beer
  • T...Why we beat the British!!
  • U...need a beer
  • V...Ve all need beer
  • W...U and U need a beer
  • X...J's former wife
  • Y...Don't ya have another beer?
  • Z...Zee beer (French pirates)



    • (unnamed)
    Done in the style invitational. (Both the contents and the lyrical style should seem vaguely familiar...)

    Now, gentles, sit! And yes shall hear a tale,
    The story of a voyage marr'd by fate,
    Commencing from a port of tropic clime
    Aboard a vessel minuscule, the mate
    A sailor full of puissance, yet not more
    Than was his captain. That idyllic shore
    Sent forth five passengers upon a tour
    Of but three hours' time; the weather played
    The strumpet with the ship, her serenade
    Turned hurricano, and not small at all,
    Her crew's exertions nurs'd her to the lee
    Of a long-forgotten atoll. There lamed,
    Brave Gilligan and his captain dwell beside
    A merchant rich as Croesus and his bride,
    A wanton actress, a most learned man,
    And Mary Ann,
    Upon the isle for which our play is named!


    Jokes
    Okay, well, we think they're funny!  (Warning: be sure you don't bite your tongue-in-cheek.)


    Period Jokes (various)
    A Spaniard travelling on the way alighted at a poo inn, and they asked him his name.  He answers, "Don Pedro Gonzales Gayetan de Guevara."  Whereunto they replied, "Sire, we have not meat enough for so many."
    [published 1595 in Enligh, ca. 1500 in Italian]

    A felon at the gallows said unto the hangman, "Villain, better yet be handed, than be a hangman like thee."
    "True," answered the hangman, "were it not for hanging."
    [published 1595]

    SCA Lightbulb Jokes
    I take no responsibility for these (other than posting them here)

    SCA Quotes
    Yes, these have really be heard uttered by a member of the SCA!

    Trojan Warning
    If you receive a gift in the shape of a large wooden horse, do not download it into your city!!!  It is *extremely* destructive and will overwrite your entire city!
    The "gift" is disguised as a large wooden horse about two stories tall.  It tends to show up outside the city gates where it appears to be abandoned.  DO NOT bring it through the gates!  It contains hardware that is incompatible with Trojan programming, including a crowd of heavily armed Greek warriors that will destroy your army, sack your town, rape your women and kill your children.
    If you have already received such a gift, DO NOT OPEN IT!  Take it back out of the city unopened and set fire to it by the beach.